Let’s clear something up right away: there is absolutely nothing wrong with having standards and conditions when it comes to love. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s essential! Yet, somewhere along the way, people have started to believe that having expectations in a relationship makes you “too picky” or “high-maintenance.” Well, guess what? That’s nonsense. You’re not asking for too much when you expect to be treated with respect, kindness, and love.
So, if you’ve ever felt guilty for having standards or wondered if you were being “too demanding,” it’s time to let go of that doubt. Let’s dive into why it’s perfectly fine—actually, necessary—to have standards and conditions in love.
Standards Are Not the Same as Being “Picky”
First things first: having standards does not mean you’re being picky or unreasonable. Standards are simply the criteria that determine how you want to be treated in a relationship. It’s about knowing your worth and setting boundaries that protect your well-being. They’re the things that keep you from settling for less than you deserve.
Being “picky” is about nitpicking little things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, like their favorite music or whether they prefer tea over coffee. But having standards is about sticking to the non-negotiables that are important for your happiness—things like honesty, communication, and shared values.
When you know what you want and need, you’re not being difficult—you’re being smart. You’re looking out for yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
You Deserve to Be Treated Right
Let’s be honest: no one wants to feel like they’re settling. If you’ve got high standards, it’s because you know you deserve the best. And you do! You deserve a partner who treats you with kindness, respects your boundaries, and values your happiness.
Having standards doesn’t mean you’re being unrealistic. It means you know what you bring to the table, and you’re not willing to settle for someone who doesn’t meet your level of effort and commitment. You’re allowed to expect the same level of care that you’re willing to give. And if someone isn’t meeting those standards, it’s okay to walk away.
Remember, you’re not asking for anything extraordinary when you expect to be treated with love and respect. Those are the basics. And if someone makes you feel like you’re asking for too much, then they’re probably not giving enough.
Standards Help You Avoid Settling
Let’s be real—without standards, it’s way too easy to settle. You might find yourself justifying bad behavior or ignoring red flags simply because you want to be in a relationship. But settling for less than you deserve will only lead to disappointment and resentment down the road.
Your standards are there to protect you from that. They’re like a safety net that helps you filter out people who aren’t a good fit for you. By knowing what you want and refusing to settle for anything less, you’re saving yourself a lot of heartache. You’re making space for someone who does meet your standards and will make you genuinely happy.
Conditions Are Not Ultimatums
There’s a big difference between setting conditions in a relationship and giving someone an ultimatum. Conditions are healthy boundaries that outline what you need in order to feel safe and loved. They’re not about controlling the other person; they’re about ensuring that your needs are met.
For example, saying, “I need open communication in this relationship because it helps me feel secure,” is a condition. It’s expressing what you need in a healthy way. But saying, “If you don’t start texting me back within five minutes, I’m breaking up with you,” is an ultimatum. One is about setting a standard for the relationship; the other is about issuing a threat.
Conditions are about mutual respect. It’s okay to have expectations for how you want to be treated. That doesn’t mean you’re being demanding or unreasonable—it means you value your own happiness.
It’s About Quality, Not Quantity
Having standards and conditions isn’t about finding the perfect person or having a long list of requirements. It’s about quality over quantity. You’re not looking for someone who checks off every single box on a long list—you’re looking for someone who meets the core standards that are truly important to you.
Maybe you value honesty above all else, or you need a partner who supports your career goals. Those are the qualities that matter most, and they should be non-negotiable. Focus on the essential qualities that make a relationship strong and fulfilling, and don’t worry about the rest.
Standards Attract the Right People
Here’s a little secret: having standards actually attracts the right kind of people. When you set the bar high, you’re sending a message that you value yourself. And people who appreciate that will be drawn to you. Those who are intimidated or unwilling to meet your standards will naturally filter themselves out.
This is a good thing! It saves you time and energy by weeding out the people who aren’t willing to put in the effort. The right person won’t see your standards as a burden—they’ll see them as an opportunity to show you how much they care.
When you hold firm to your standards, you’ll attract someone who not only meets them but wants to meet them because they value the relationship just as much as you do.
Boundaries Protect Your Self-Worth
Your standards and conditions are boundaries that help protect your self-worth. They remind you that your needs are important and that you shouldn’t have to compromise your happiness for anyone else. When you let your boundaries slide, you’re sending a message to yourself that your needs don’t matter. And that’s not true.
Maintaining your standards means staying true to yourself. It’s about knowing that you’re worth being treated with respect and love. When you uphold your boundaries, you’re saying, “I’m not willing to settle for anything less than what I deserve.” And that’s powerful.
Standards Are a Form of Self-Respect
Let’s flip the script for a second: when you have standards, it’s a sign of self-respect. It shows that you know your value and aren’t willing to accept less than what you’re worth. Self-respect is incredibly attractive because it shows that you’re confident and secure in who you are.
Think about it—would you want to be with someone who accepts bad behavior or constantly compromises their values just to keep the peace? Probably not. So why should you? By setting standards, you’re showing that you have respect for yourself, and you won’t let anyone treat you otherwise.
It’s OK to Adjust Your Standards (Within Reason)
Standards are important, but it’s also okay to adjust them if needed. Sometimes, you may find that certain expectations were too rigid or didn’t matter as much as you thought. And that’s fine! It’s all about finding a balance between holding firm to what truly matters and being flexible enough to grow with your partner.
Just be careful not to lower your standards out of fear of being alone. Adjusting your standards should come from a place of growth, not desperation. You deserve a relationship that meets your needs, and compromising on your core values isn’t the way to achieve that.
Don’t Let Others Shame You for Having Standards
Some people might try to make you feel bad for having high standards. They may say things like, “You’re too picky,” or “You’ll never find someone if you don’t lower your expectations.” But don’t let that get to you. Those comments often come from a place of insecurity or a lack of understanding about what you truly deserve.
Remember, it’s your life, and you get to choose what kind of relationship you want. If having standards means waiting a little longer to find the right person, then it’s worth it. The people who try to shame you for having standards aren’t the ones who have to live with the consequences—you are.
It’s About Finding Someone Who Meets You Halfway
Having standards doesn’t mean you’re looking for someone to be perfect. It means you’re looking for someone who will meet you halfway, someone who’s willing to put in the same level of effort and commitment that you are.
You’re not asking for someone to be flawless—you’re asking for someone who’s willing to work with you, grow with you, and respect your boundaries. That’s not being demanding; that’s having a healthy, balanced approach to love.
The Bottom Line: You Deserve to Have Standards
At the end of the day, you deserve to have standards in love. You deserve a partner who treats you well, respects your boundaries, and makes you feel valued. It’s not about being “picky” or “demanding.” It’s about knowing what you want and refusing to settle for anything less.
So, hold your head high, set those standards, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having them. The right person will rise to meet them, and you’ll be glad you didn’t settle.